The Green Coconut

     One winter, when happily married (or so he believed) and living in New York with Rene, his Hawaiian now ex-wife, Martin took time off work, packed his bag, travel-bagged his board, rode the bus to JFK Airport, and flew west, over land and sea (ocean), to go surfing in Hawaii.

     It was that time of year when waves on the north shore of O'ahu are the biggest, best and most dangerous, especially the Banzai Pipeline, a shallow-water reef break, notorious for being a killer, which, unfamiliar with the beaches as he was at the time, happened to be the first, fastest, and scariest, wave Martin had ever surfed in the U.S.A.'s 50th State.

     While there, between bouts at the beach, he bought an assortment of several bright and sunny Hawaiian postcards and, hoping they'd be warm reminders of her home, popped a plethora in the post to Rene.

     Not satisfied with those alone and, believing it to be a thoughtful gesture, to show he was thinking of her, from 5,000 miles away, or thereabouts, Martin acquired a freshly-picked green coconut, carefully stapled a label to the husk, addressed it to Rene at work, the headquarters of Lancôme U.S.A., on 5th Avenue, Manhattan, and shipped it airmail from the Waikiki Post Office.

     In the very near future soon thereafter, it appeared, unsullied and unblemished, front and centre, on the desk in her office... still every bit a warm ray of Honolulu sunshine.

     As it was snowing heavily, with an icy wind whipping it into a blizzard throughout the city, and bitterly cold on the east coast, Rene's colleagues deemed it quite the cute, unusual and considerate, although inappropriate, addition to the world of cosmetics workplace, and teased her, about what was undoubtedly, no more nor less, than purely (make that merely) a green coconut, for it not being, money-wise, something of a more financially-substantial souvenir.

     Rene, on the other hand, who was not only horrified but mortified, did not appreciate the sentiment as expressed, and could not fathom whatever it was which induced Martin, her soon to be ex-husband, to do such a strange and, in her mind, incomprehensible (make that reprehensible) thing.

     Truth be told, this did not bode well at all.

     On his return home, before he could utter so much as word one and, referring to the offending (make that offensive) item, she immediately informed him, in no uncertain terms and quite categorically, in a peevish tone of voice, 'I have never been so humiliated in all my life!'

     And lo, it came to pass, at some point in the not too distant future thereafter, several and sundry gift shops in Waikiki were seen to be selling green coconuts, complete with pre-stapled labels, for tourists to purchase, address and send to their friends, family and/or loved ones as a message of 'Aloha'... or, possibly as a prank!

'The Green Coconut' by John & Samuel

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